Dark Night.
I ordered contacts for the first time in 6 months. The first thing I kept noticing every day putting them on this week were the bags under my eyes that my usual light amount of foundation couldn’t cover. Sigh. Do I really want to start wearing more makeup? I absolutely refuse to cake anything more on my face.
The past week, and 5 months have been tough. I’m afraid that I’ve bored half the people I’ve spoken to about life being tiring. And routinerary. I’ve painted a portrait of myself as a Worried Woman. In conversation, I hear my own words and they make me cringe. In my head, I wish I could tell this person “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry… I really wish I could talk about something else.”
However, there are 5 Truths that are keeping me going through this Dark Night:
- I am allowed to dream. [There is life beyond all this…”]
- I was, am and will always be free to give more [Even though you think there is no time to do so…]
- My best friend and play mate, “Routine”, is the Lord’s way of taking His time with me in the Journey, in making me ready to receive His Great plans, in His time.
- “Let nothing, absolutely nothing, keep you from praying”… [Even though you know there’s a big possibility you’re going to fall asleep during your Rosary.]
- There is absolutely nothing that brings me greater Consolation then desiring to hear the voice of the Lord loud and clear again.
As such, I can only respond by being excited and in turn passionately engaging into re-connecting with Him on a much deeper level. In prayer, I am striving to sound like a Babbling Child: Simple in speaking and competely needy and attentive for His Direction. The result is less rationalization talk, more comfort in silence. I like the sound. Cuz I’m pretty sure it’s the sound of me starting to get out of this Dark Night.
Saint John of the Cross, Doctor of the Dark Nights, pray for us.
